Following correct wedding etiquette can be tough enough — some rules can be complex, old-fashioned or not necessarily intuitive. And planning an event miles away adds its own unique set of logistics. To get you the help you need, we turned to three etiquette experts well-versed in minding manners to guide you through any sticky situations.
What is the couple expected to pay for?
Technically, the bride and groom are only required to pay for the ceremony and reception, including food, drinks, entertainment and decor. Guests are expected to pay for their own travel arrangements. Because destination weddings are often longer celebrations over three to seven days, couples often host additional events, such as a welcome party or farewell brunch, but these are not a requirement. — Karen Bussen, author of Simple Stunning Wedding Organizer
Is it OK to pay travel expenses for a guest who is undergoing financial hard times?
Helping out would surely be welcomed by the guest, but know that you may open yourself up to criticism by doing this, especially if you have guests who declined the invitation due to budgetary reasons. Unless it’s a wedding-party member, a very close friend or a family member, it’s best to have a standard set of guidelines to follow when it comes to money. Of course, if it’s just one person (who can keep quiet), that’s a different story. Ultimately the bride and groom need to do what feels right for them. — Holly Lefevre, author of The Everything Wedding Etiquette Book
When should you send save-the-date announcements?
The distance and accessibility of the destination can affect save-the-date timing; traveling to a far-off locale takes more time to plan than a three-hour road trip to the mountains. To be safe either way, send out the save-the-dates as soon as you confirm the details. The more time the better — nine to 12 months is ideal and provides guests ample time to schedule travel plans and time off work. Be sure to include info about the wedding destination — ideally via a link to your wedding website — so guests can begin to plan. — Lefevre
When should formal invitations be sent, and what info should be included?
The average lead time for invitations is six to eight weeks before the wedding; however, destination-wedding invites should be sent anywhere from two to three months ahead of time. If you sent a save-the-date, an invitation is expected to follow. With a formal invite, the emphasis should be on the invitation itself, so don’t turn it into a travel brochure; instead, list your wedding URL in the invite and update all travel info online, including places to stay, group hotel rates, maps and airport information. Another helpful detail to include is the ceremony location (beach, lawn, etc.) so guests wear the proper shoes. Never include registry information; that goes on your wedding website. — Anna Post, great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post and author of Do I Have to Wear White?
Since destination weddings often involve multiple events, I suggest creating a card separate from the main invitation to invite guests to any satellite celebrations — a welcome clambake, a golf outing, a postwedding brunch, etc. This way, you can include boxes to check on your reply card, which will make it much easier for you to track who’s coming to what. It will also let your guests know that the festivities begin before the wedding day itself so they can plan accordingly. — Bussen
What’s the etiquette for letting friends know they’re not invited?
No one should assume they are ever invited anywhere, but they do. In the case of a destination wedding, typically it’s a smaller affair with close friends and family. If friends ask why they aren’t invited, all that’s necessary is a simple statement letting them know the wedding is small. Tact and honesty will pay off in the end, even if the conversation is uncomfortable. If the wedding is large, the couple should still be honest, even if there’s a possibility of hurt feelings. — Lefevre
NEXT: Who should be invited to the rehearsal dinner and what gifts to expect.
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